Buddha’s teachings on the “Five Hindrances” (Grasping, Anger, Laziness/Lethargy, Restless/Worry, and Doubt) and how they impact our meditation practice is one the most important teachings given regarding training the mind. The hindrances obscure clarity and result in a mind that is not pliable, and workable. These same five hindrances also influence our personal relationships. It’s a valuable practice to explore how to work with these hindrances both on and off the cushion.
The First Hindrance of Grasping.
• How does it manifest on the cushion? Usually it manifests as a fantasy, thoughts of love, attraction, greed, lust, or a craving for peace or spiritual bliss. What usually follows the thought is a state of desire for more of that thought. It’s usually an attachment to something we think is available somewhere that’s better than the current situation. Often this includes a memory (the past) or a fantasy (future).
• How do we work with Grasping on the cushion? First we try to notice it early (as soon as the thought arises into conscious awareness). This takes practice but see if you can notice the exact moment a thought rises to conscious awareness. Just as it arises we “note” its presence- briefly! We simply acknowledge its presence and switch our attention to the hindrance just long enough to notice: What it is? (Here you can name it if you like “craving”, “wanting” etc;) then notice how strong it is? As soon as we have done this we gently return to our object of concentration (usually the breath). If the thought becomes compulsive and repetitive we can handle it a bit differently. We can notice the sensation it elicits in the body. Is it pleasant or unpleasant? Where in the body do you feel this hindrance? Your chest, neck, face, shoulders, abdomen, head? This technique allows us to escape the “story-like content” of the thought. Eventually if we stay with the body sensations the feeling will dissipate and disappear. Really! it will! And we can gently return to the breath.
• How does it manifest in our relationships? It’s often the feeling that we will be more content with a different partner (fantasized or actual) or even a different child or parent. We can project these thoughts onto our partner and imagine infidelities on their part. Greed may manifest as struggle over money, demanding that things be your way, or a need to be wealthy and more powerful.
• How can we work with this hindrance in our relationships? It can be part of our insight practice. We honestly look at whether the expectation that there is a totally gratifying partner is realistic. It may be useful to examine the roots of this feeling of “not having enough”. Does it stem from our childhood experiences; our parents? Prior to our enlightenment is it really possible to pick the perfect partner? And isn’t our time better spent living skillfully within a relationship. This of course assumes the relationship is not abusive, addictive or a violation of your personal boundaries.
Hindrance of Aversion/Anger
• How does it manifest on the cushion? Usually it manifests as a nagging worry, a feeling of anger over some situation from the past or anticipation of the future. It could be a worry over an upcoming event, problems with our children, or work issues. It may even be anger over mundane household issues that seem never-ending.
• How do we work with Anger on the cushion? First we try to notice it early (as soon as the thought arises into conscious awareness). This takes practice but see if you can notice the exact moment an angry thought rises to conscious awareness. Just as it arises we “note” its presence- briefly! We simply acknowledge its presence and switch our attention to the hindrance just long enough to notice: what it is? (Here you can name it if you like “anger”, “frustration”, resentment”; then notice how strong it is? As soon as we have done this we return to our object of concentration (usually the breath). If the thought becomes compulsive and repetitive we can handle it a bit differently. We can notice the sensation it elicits in the body. Is it pleasant or unpleasant? Where in the body do you feel this anger? Your chest, neck, face, shoulders, abdomen, head? This technique allows us to escape the “story-like content” of the angry thought. Eventually if we stay with the body sensations the feeling will dissipate and disappear. And we can gently return to the breath. We also use this technique to work with pain sensations in the body. Often we have an aversive relationship with pain. So paying attention to the physicality and impermanence. Paying attention to the impermanent and aversive quality of our reaction is helpful.
• How does aversion manifest in our relationships? It’s often the feeling of anger toward our partner, parent, children, friend etc. Anger often feeds on itself and has a great deal of energy associated with it. We don’t want to “back-off”. We try to prove we are “right”. But it may also be self-righteousness. It could be outright hatred, disgust or indifference.
• It’s sometimes useful to explore the fears behind our anger. Is anger over money, for example, masking an underlying fear of not having enough! Enough money? Enough security? Enough safety? Is anger masking a fear of not being in control? How much control do we really have? Is it a feeling that the other person hurt us? Or do we want the other person to be different? It’s important not to judge our anger as “right” or “wrong”. We’re more interested in “what is happening” than “why it’s happening”. An excellent way to work with anger is to cultivate a sense of loving-kindness for the person. Just like us this person wants to be happy. Loving kindness meditation is often used to overcome anger.
Hindrance of Sloth and Torpor (lethargy and laziness).
1 .How does it manifest on the cushion? Sleepiness usually it manifests as a sinking feeling moving thru the body, starting at the top of the head. The mind becomes dull and mindfulness slips away into wandering unformed thoughts that usually end in dozing off! It also can be a lack of effort in your meditation practice-a feeling that you’re just “going thru the motions”. There’s not enough energy being put to bear! Not enough paying attention!
2. How do we work with Sloth and Torpor on the cushion? First we try to notice it early. This takes practice but see if you can notice the exact moment an sleepiness rises. Just as it arises we “note” its presence- briefly! We simply acknowledge its presence and switch our attention to the hindrance just long enough to notice: what it is? (here you can name it if you like “sleepiness is here” etc; then notice how strong it is? As soon as we have done this we return to our object of concentration (usually the breath). If it persists we can notice the sensation it elicits in the body. Is it pleasant or unpleasant? Where in the body do you feel sleepiness? Your chest, neck, face, shoulders, abdomen, head? If it persists we open our eyes, stare at the light, take some deep breaths, stand up, walk around, splash some water on our face, pull gently but firmly on our earlobes. If all this fails we take a short nap. Upon waking we return to and finish our meditation.
3. How does it sloth,torpor,laziness and lethargy manifest in our relationships? The messages that the media and movies often send are that there are quick and often implausibly romantic solutions to our problems. We get disappointed with the inevitable shortcomings of real-life relationships. Let’s face it they are difficult! The messages we receive are to “move on” rather than work with things. We live in a throw-away culture, especially if something doesn’t seem fresh and new anymore. We ignore the other person’s needs, and we don’t take enough interest in the person or the relationship.
4 How do we work with this Hindrance in our relationships? We make an effort to cultivate some vitality in the relationship. Don’t let past conditions prevent us from taking action. Do things to make your partner, children, parent, happy. Recall things you did in the past that were enjoyable. Remain pleasing and attractive to your partner. Relationships are like gardens that need water, fertilizer, and attention. Sometimes relationships do not work out! In those cases our best strategy is to move on without hatred or animosity.
Hindrance of Restlessness and Worry
• How does it manifest on the cushion? This usually manifests as mental agitation. Mind refuses to settle on the object of meditation. We may ruminate over some issue. It’s an unsettled feeling that predominates. Sometimes its worry over the past or future, or something we’re repressing. We can suppress the issue but not the energy. We just can’t relax.
• How do we work with restlessness on the cushion? First we try to notice it early (as soon as the thoughts and sensation of restlessness arises into conscious awareness. This takes practice. Just as it arises we “note” its presence- briefly! We simply acknowledge its presence and switch our attention to the hindrance just long enough to notice: what it is? (here you can name it if you like “monkey-mind” etc) then notice how strong it is? As soon as we have done this we return to our object of concentration (usually the breath). If the thoughts become compulsive and repetitive we can handle it a bit differently. We can notice the sensation it elicits in the body. Is it pleasant or unpleasant? Where in the body do you feel this hindrance? Your chest, neck, face, shoulders, abdomen, head? This technique allows us to escape the “story-like content” of the thoughts. Eventually if we stay with the body sensations the feeling will dissipate and disappear. And we can gently return to the breath. We don’t fight with it! Observe the feeling of restlessness. Don’t jump off the cushion. Don’t try to make it go away/ Take a few deep breaths. Sometimes counting the breath can be of great value. Count “inbreath- outbreath- One; Inbreath, outbreath, Two” etc. Count up to eight and then backwards to one again. If you lose count start over. If your mind wanders start over. Then after a while you can drop the counting and simply notice “in breath, outbreath”. Recall your intention to practice. Try a formal walking meditation coordinating each step with the in breath and outbreath. Don’t be discouraged; Restlessness is a deep, deep fetter that persists for quite a while. Be gentle and patient with yourself.
• How does Restlessness manifest in relationships? It often arises in relationships that aren’t unhappy! It may occur in “hum-drum” relationships. We want something new and exciting; something different than what’s happening right now. Sometimes it’s impatience with our partner, children, parent, etc.
• How do we work with Restlessness and worry in our relationships? Ask yourself if its reasonable to expect continuing excitement? Maybe we’re not paying enough attention to our partner? Perhaps everyday situations are more interesting thigh we think! Each day our partner, children, friends etc are “new” just like us! Is our restlessness masking a need to escape? Do we have difficulties making a commitment? Don’t judge yourself. We’re attempting to see what is happening. We don’t need to figure everything out. Be patient.
Hindrance of Doubt
• How does it manifest on the cushion? The Buddhist texts say that Skeptical Doubt feels like a person wandering though the desert and arriving at a crossroads. They don’t know what to do, which way to go. It’s the feeling of “what am I doing this for? Am I getting anything out of it? Yes, it’s good for me! No, maybe I’m just stubborn! I think I’ll quit. It’s too difficult! And these teachers don’t know anything either.” These thoughts may occur while we are meditating, or just before we sit down to meditate. It’s also doubt about the teachings and our teachers. Please don’t misunderstand this to mean we should believe everything we’re told. On the contrary, Buddha said repeatedly that we should “come and see for ourselves” whether these teachings lead to a peaceful mind. That includes asking questions and investigating things for your self.
• How do we work with this Doubt on the cushion? First we try to notice it early (as soon as the thought arises into conscious awareness). This takes practice but see if you can notice the exact moment doubt rises to conscious awareness. Just as it arises we “note” its presence- briefly! We simply acknowledge its presence and switch our attention to the hindrance just long enough to notice: what it is? (here you can name it if you like “doubt, questioning mind again!” etc.) then notice how strong it is? As soon as we have done this we return to our object of concentration (usually the breath). If the thought becomes compulsive and repetitive we can handle it a bit differently. We can notice the sensation doubt elicits in the body. Is it pleasant or unpleasant? Where in the body do you feel this doubt? Your chest, neck, face, shoulders, abdomen, head? What does this mental state of wavering feel like? It’s like stirring up a glass of muddy water instead of simply letting it settle. This technique allows us to escape the “story-like content” of the thought. Eventually if we stay with the body sensations the feeling will dissipate and disappear. And we can gently return to the breath. Another helpful point is to realize that “doubt” is just another thought! We don’t need to give it undo significance.
• How does the hindrance of doubt manifest in relationships? Often it’s the question: “Did I choose the right partner and is it too late to switch?” Don’t disregard this question but do put it in perspective with other things going on in your life. Milestone related stresses often arise; work promotions, significant birthdays, retirement, your sense of “self worth”, advancing age etc. Sometimes it’s more existential questions such as “Could I ever choose the right person?”, “”No one could ever love me! Or “No one could ever even like me enough to be my friend.”
• How do we work with these “Doubt” questions? Firstly realize that doubt is simply another mind state. It is impermanent. It isn’t “self”. And clinging to doubt is definitely a source of confusion and suffering. The challenge with working with doubt is to stay with it long enough to decide for your self in a mindful way. In many relationships (whether romantic or not) when enough years have passed and we have weathered mutual struggles, mutual interests, mutual gratifications, and mutual efforts, things come together and doubt is no longer a problem.
Many of Buddha’s teachings that refer to awakening also lend themselves to living a fulfilling personal life. Our practice is to see the parallel tracts of living mindfully in the spiritual as well as the mundane realms. They both are manifestations of each other. I don’t think there is a spiritual tradition that has more “lists” associated with its practice. And our challenge, I think, is to see how many of the skillful and unskillful mind states that arise during meditation , also are mirrored in our everyday relationships with others. May you be well, happy and peaceful. Floyd
