We all experience difficult emotions. These are primarily two types; craving/wanting and anger/resentment/fear. Our usual response to craving is to do whatever it takes to get it, then we feel great (for a while). Eventually the pleasant reward wears off and we are faced with more craving! And so it goes round and round again!
Our response to something unpleasant (a thought, a memory, an unpleasant situation, some physical sensation or maybe some angry words spoken to us or by us) is to get angry. And we all know what happens when we get angry. Unless we are mindful we often do or say something. And maybe we feel better and maybe we don’t. But we do or say something anyway because anger feels pretty lousy. Usually what we do or say or think isn’t very skillful!
So what if there was a way to work with these emotions that is a bit more positive- allowing us to have a bit of peace in spite of a difficult emotional situation. Wouldn’t it be nice to have at least one tool to use in these situations?
Tara Brach a psychologist and meditation teacher has described a sequence of steps in her book True Refuge that we can use when difficult emotions arise. They are easy to remember They spell out the word RAIN. They use the techniques basic of Mindfulness practice.
R stands for RECOGNIZE. We recognize that a difficult emotion has arisen. Often we are so caught up in the emotion that we simply react without even knowing what’s going on. So in this step we practice recognizing as early as possible that craving/grasping or anger/fear resentment is present. We simple say to our self “I’m angry” or “this is anger” or “this is craving”. If we can do this we short circuit the immediate response which is usually one of reaction (saying something or doing something without even a moment of thought.)
A stands for ALLOWING. This means we allow this emotion to be present. We don’t fight with it, deny it or get angry at our anger or our craving. We simply allow the anger or craving to be present. There is enough space for it. In fact the more space we give it the less it needs to get control of us! But remember allowing anger or craving doesn’t mean we get involved in the content of our angry or craving thoughts. We stay out of the content and simply are aware that the emotion is present.
I stands for INVESTIGATION. The investigation consists of getting in touch with exactly how the anger feels in the body. Emotions are thoughts that are strong enough to produce a physical sensation in the body. Where exactly do you feel anger, resentment, hatred, guilt, fear, or craving? Is it in your chest, maybe tightness in the abdomen? Investigate this for yourself. The reason we are doing this is to be more mindful of the physical sensations in the emotions. This awareness takes us out of the content of the thoughts. Whenever we can get out of the content and pay attention to the direct experience of these emotions we are much more likely to be able to watch the emotion arise, manifest and fade away- which they will- without reacting!
N stands for NONIDENTIFICATION. Non-identification with the emotion allows us to understand that these emotions don’t define who we are. Non-identification helps us see that as opposed to saying “I’m an angry, unhappy person” we can say that “anger has arisen” or “unhappiness is present”. We can acknowledge their presence without owning it! They don’t define who and what we are because nothing can ever define who and what we are. They arise because of causes and conditions in our lives. We can watch them arise, work with them and then watch them fall away without creating any more suffering for ourselves.
So begin working with difficult emotion by practicing with little annoyances (or minor cravings). See if you can recognize the moment they arise and allow them to be present without getting caught up in the content of the thoughts. Then investigate what this whole thing feels like in the body (usually it’s unpleasant). Then see if you can step back from the situation and see it for what it is. The emotion has arisen, has manifested in our mind and body, we have watched it and now it is fading away. All this happens without us getting “involved” in the drama.
This is the path to peace and contentment despite all the ups and downs that life delivers to our doorstep! So you may want to bring a bit of RAIN into your life. It will water the seeds of patience and kindness that flower into life’s greatest rewards.
May you be well, happy and peaceful.
Floyd
