The Buddha talked about not engaging in “sexual misconduct” as one of the five principal precepts to be followed by all people interested in spiritual development. Sexual misconduct includes rape and manipulating or coercing someone to have sex against his or her wishes. It also includes not having sex with minors, animals, someone else’s partner, or with someone being protected by parents or guardians. Having sex with an appropriate and consenting adult partner, whether the couple is married or not, is not considered sexual misconduct.
The following is a contemplation from Thich Nhat Hanh regarding “Sexual Responsibility:”
Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I am committed to cultivating responsibility and learning new ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without love and a long-term commitment. To preserve the happiness of myself and others, I am determined to respect my commitments and the commitments of others. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct.
For many people, the issue concerning sex revolves around the concept of sin. The following is a paraphrase of some of the ideas regarding Buddhism and sexuality from the Buddhist scholar M. O’C. Walshe.
“Sin” is primarily thought of as a breach of God’s commandments. This explanation is of course not wrong in terms of Christian theology, but is not applicable in Buddhism, where there are no such commandments that one can infringe…The precepts are in fact undertakings to oneself, which is something different. They are more on a par with the instruction “Look both ways before you cross the road…”
However, there is another rendering of the word sin itself which in fact (though less well-known) comes much closer to the Buddhist view of things. In the Bible, “sin” actually renders Hebrew and Greek words which literally mean “missing the mark,” i.e., behaving inadequately or unskillfully. The sinner, then, is like an unskillful archer who misses his aim…this comes very close to the idea of akusala kamma or “unskillful action” in Buddhism.
The Pali word kamma literally means “action” or volition, which can be either unskillful or skillful (creates suffering or does not create suffering in its wake). The results of action accrue to the doer as a feeling which is pleasant when the action was skilled or unpleasant when it was unskilled. The feelings we experience are dependent on past kamma. It should therefore be noted that the feeling of pleasure (sexual or otherwise) is not an action, but a result. There is, therefore, nothing either “skillful” or “unskillful” about experiencing such a feeling. We should therefore not regard sexual feelings as either “virtuous” or “sinful.” Such pleasant feelings can be enjoyed with a clear conscience and no guilt feeling.
If this were all, there would be no problem. Here is the snag. Sexual pleasure is not unskillful, but attachment to sexual pleasure is. If we can experience the pleasure without attachment we are all right; if we become attached to it, we are not “hitting the mark.” Now of course it is rather difficult (to put it mildly) to experience pleasure of any sort without feeling attached to it. But attachment is unskillful kamma. And the results of that will inevitably, according to Buddhism, be something unpleasant in the future.
According to Bhante Gunaratana, “Loving sexual behavior between committed partners is no obstacle to one’s practice. In fact, a supportive relationship can be a great asset to progress through the Buddha’s eight steps to happiness (i.e., the Noble Eightfold Path).”
At the same time, the Buddha urged us to stop abusing any of our senses. When one indulges one’s cravings by stimulating any senses to the point of attachment and weariness, it is considered unskillful sense abuse.
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There are teachers and teachings which use sexuality as a means to spiritual development. This can be a razor’s edge if we are not completely mindful and honest about our intentions.
I want to say that sex is godly. The energy of sex is divine energy, godly energy. That is why this energy creates new life. It is the greatest, most mysterious force of all. Drop this antagonism toward sex. If you ever want love to shower in your life, renounce this conflict with sex. Accept sex blissfully. Acknowledge its sacredness. Acknowledge its benediction. Go on searching deeper and deeper into it, and you will be amazed that the more you accept sex with a quality of sacredness, the more sacred it will become. And the more you are in conflict with it, as if it were something sinful and dirty, the more sinful and ugly it will become. Osho
We need to ask ourselves why people (ourselves included), are so attracted to sex. One reason may be that sex can give us two experiences that are akin to what happens during truly religious or spiritual experiences.
First, at the moment of orgasm, the sense of having an independent self totally disappears. There is no trace of the perspective “I am.” Similarly, in a deeply spiritual experience the ego also disappears. Second, during this ecstatic moment, all sense of time disappears. In a truly religious experience, time also disappears – only the present moment remains which is beyond the mental construct of time.
At some point in our spiritual development we come to realize that we can have more than a brief encounter with an ecstatic experience that arises through sexuality. We can live in a sustained experience of bliss by residing in the egoless and timeless awareness of absolute reality.
Using sexuality as a form of practice that leads to spiritual development is commonly referred to as Tantric practice. This type of practice is based upon the principle that the universe is the concrete manifestation of universal energy, and one can use mundane experiences such as sexuality, to achieve supramundane awareness.
When one approaches his or her partner he or she should have a sacred feeling, as if going to temple. The moment should be full of a sense of sacredness, of awe, as if approaching a god or goddess. Osho
What are your attitudes towards sexuality? The first thing we need to do as practitioners is to bring our beliefs, issues, and thoughts about sexuality into our non-judgmental awareness. Without doing so, we may be controlled by unconscious impulses, thought processes, and conditioned mind states.
We have several choices at that point. One is to engage in sexual behaviors watching that we do not become attached to the pleasant feelings that arise. This, of course, can be quite tricky. The mind can convince us of practically anything.
A second choice is to use sexual expression as a means to spiritual development. We can view our committed partner as a reflection of ultimate reality or divine presence, and view our sexual encounter as a spiritual merging with the “One,” or “That Which Is.” You will find in each other a deeply spiritual dimension which will place the relationship on another plane of expression. (You may want to share this perspective with your partner.)
We can abstain from sexual expression (completely or from time to time), and work to become mindfully aware of any sexual feelings that may arise. We can explore those feelings to realize their impermanent, unsatisfactory, and selfless nature. By doing so, we awaken to a state of freedom where the pleasures that arise from sexuality pales in comparison with the bliss of transcendent awareness.
Friends, this is by no means a deep exploration into sexuality. It is merely an introduction into various ways in which sexual expression can be thought about. At a later point in our contemplations we will talk about the issue of sensual greed and attachment as an impediment to spiritual development, and ways in which this can be addressed through our practice.
The “desire” for sexual expression is one of many biological expressions in sentient beings. And while the biology of sex is millions of years old, if we are to be sexually active it should be looked upon with a discerning mind and heart so that we can live in harmony with those around us. Just as hunger and eating is a natural expression of our biology, for many people so too is sexual desire and its expression. In the same way we regard eating healthy food, proper amounts, and with respect for our planet, we can regard our sexual expression to be arising from a place of love, respect, and caring for our self and our partner.
Please reflect on these thoughts during the month of June. May you be well, happy and peaceful. As always please share this with anyone you feel may benefit.
